Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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