After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
