Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have post one night stand depression
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