Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
