Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
