I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize