she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
