Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
