you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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