Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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