I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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