he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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