just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
