My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.