I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
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i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.