Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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