I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
