I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
