he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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