i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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