Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize