So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize