"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
