Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
