How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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