My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
