she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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