Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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