Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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