Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize