Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
