I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.