I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?