nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.