You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?