You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found