im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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