my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
