You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I AM VODKA MAN
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
