I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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