I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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