pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's a Shit stain on my heart
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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