WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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