You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize