I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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