I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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