i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
