Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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