I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize