So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
