i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize