now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
