a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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