a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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