I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Blood and glitter go together right?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
